I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
