walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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