Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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