i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
