at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
