we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
