IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
