I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
