We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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