Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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