You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
