I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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