Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
