i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
