I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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