Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
