Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
