im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
