the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
