You're so nebulous sometimes
look no pants
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
