I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
