You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
