Four minutes until I can fart!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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