Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
