using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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