I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He felt like a one man threesome
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
