i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
