My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
