He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
