We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
