i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
