he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
