Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize