It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Even my vagina gasped.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
