I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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