Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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