so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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