I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
