At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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