did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
