she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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