i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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