gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
