So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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