cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize