we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
