Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
