he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
