I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
