remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize