Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
