Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
