she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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