Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
