So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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