yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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