I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize