well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
