They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I did not marry a roomba.
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