i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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