i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
