he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and she was petting her beer can
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
