I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
