there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize