tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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