What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
