Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
