I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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