Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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