Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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