census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
