Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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