He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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