Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
