It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
