and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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