Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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