do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize