Tell her she can't have a vagina
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
