could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
