I need to stop coming to work sober
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
