Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize