i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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