Kiss
Puke
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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