You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
